Sometimes I do get discouraged and depressed by my poor ability to express my inner visions. I get so frustrated by my lack of skills to bring the image in my mind into a physical form. But the worth thing happened to me in the last 2 years. I couldn't connect to my creativity.
When I was younger and free, I never felt there was a limit to my imagination. That time, my only limitation was my skills and experiences. I'd never imagined that I'd ever get to the stage where my imagination and creativity dry out - but it happened.
Everybody, or almost everybody goes through a certain time in his life with difficulties and challenges. I'm no exception to this. The past 2 years has been a very challenging time for me and my husband. To tell the truth, I'd been through even more difficult time in the past, but this time, something was not quite the same. Somehow, I managed to loose some of the precious qualities of myself - imagination and creativity. Feeling so tired and stressed out all the time, I kept ignoring my urge to paint and photograph something I REALLY wanted, not the sort of things I commissioned to do, and one day, I suddenly realized that I had been hushing the little cry inside me too long. When I sat in front of a blank canvas, I couldn't find anything I wanted to paint. Took my camera and rushed outside, I couldn't find anything attractive. Everything around me looked so dull and lifeless.
It felt like hell. Cried, cried and cried. For months on end, I tried to bring back my lost self, but whatever I did, nothing really worked. One day in April, when I was feeling completely drained, a book jumped into my sight out of our bookshelf. I picked up the book, "To Honor the Earth", for the first time in years. I opened it to the page with my favorite photograph of trees standing in the morning mist. I started reading the message written on the page opposite. This message from a realm beyond our physical reality truly sank into my heart then.
On a rainy day you can appreciate the good in the weather and act in a way that is appropriate to it. Always look for and find the unique flavor of each moment and each place you find yourself in, not wishing for something different. You would be amazed if you could see what a difference this makes to the life forces. Each moment has its own beauty, but it can be nullified if you resist the flow and put yourself out of harmony with it. To go with the natural rhythms is far more important than you realize. Inspiration comes on all levels when you are relaxed in the flow of life.
-- Landscape Angel --
I cannot say what exactly, but certainly something had happened in me then. My yearning to express myself had come back. My style in art and photography had changed. My obsession toward one particular subject had disappeared.
My rehabilitation to bring back my artistic self has been going on ever since.
(Above image was created in this renewing period. )
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